do you have to change your name when you get married

Why practice women still change their names?

Woman signing the marriage registry - file image

Taking a husband's proper name emerged from patriarchal history. So why do so many immature western couples nonetheless follow the tradition?

Planning a nuptials during a pandemic is riddled with uncertainties, but for 30-yr-old Lindsey Evans, there'south one thing she's clear about. "The closer we get to the wedding, the more positive I am that I want to accept his last name," says the Californian, who runs a lifestyle-media company with her partner and is due to necktie the knot in July 2022.

In the US, most women adopt their married man'south family name when they get married – around 70%, according to i of the largest data analyses in recent years. For British women, the figure is almost 90%, according to a 2022 survey, with around 85% of those aged betwixt 18 and xxx maxim they nevertheless follow the exercise. Although these figures are lower than they were a generation ago, it's articulate information technology remains a strong cultural norm in large parts of the western world, despite today's more individualistic and gender aware era. While definitions of feminism vary, 68% of women under xxx describe themselves equally feminists in the US and around sixty% in the Great britain.

"It is quite surprising... [then many women adopt the man's name] since it comes from patriarchal history, from the idea that a woman, on wedlock, became i of the man's possessions," says Simon Duncan, a professor in family unit life at the Academy of Bradford, United kingdom, who has been researching the exercise of male person name-taking. He describes the tradition equally "entrenched" in most English-speaking countries, even though the concept of "owning" wives was scrapped more than a century agone in Britain, and there is currently no legal requirement to take a homo's name.

Much of western Europe likewise follows the same design (notable exceptions include Spain and Iceland, where women tend to keep their birth names when they marry, and Greece, which has made it a legal requirement for wives to retain their names for life since 1983). Fifty-fifty in Kingdom of norway, which is regularly ranked i of the summit countries for gender equality and has a less overtly patriarchal history, the bulk of married women yet take their married man'south name. There, however, around half of name-takers go on their maiden name as a middle proper noun, which functions as a secondary surname.

"The question remains... is this just a harmless tradition, or is in that location some sort of meaning leaking from those times to now?" asks Duncan, who recently teamed upwards with academics at the University of Oslo and the Academy of the West of England to delve into the reasons for its persistence.

There are, of grade, numerous personal reasons a woman might want to lose her maiden name, from disliking how it sounds, to wanting to disassociate herself from absent or abusive family members. But through an in-depth analysis of existing research, and detailed interviews with newly married and engaged couples in the Britain and Norway, Duncan's team identified two core motivators driving the tradition. The first was the persistence of patriarchal power (whether that was obvious to the couples or not). The second was the ideal of the 'good family' – the sense that having the same name as your partner symbolises commitment, and this ties you and any potential children together every bit a unit of measurement.

Lindsey Evans says she wants to change her name - and that the decision came from her

Lindsey Evans says she wants to modify her name - and that the decision came from her

Some couples uncritically accustomed the practice considering it was conventional, while others actively embraced the idea of passing on male names. "Some men still insisted on information technology – the reproduction of that sort of patriarchal assumption from the past," says Duncan. "Some women go on with that or internalise that. So, we found people who say they are really looking forwards to being a 'Mrs' and irresolute their identity to that of their husband."

His team'southward research newspaper suggests that women irresolute their names is, unsurprisingly, continued to the survival of other patriarchal traditions, such as fathers giving away brides and men being more than probable to propose. Duncan says that these elements take come to grade part of the optimum "marriage parcel" for many couples.

"Information technology'due south part of the romance," agrees Corinna Hirsch, a German marketer living in Stockholm, who took her husband's last name when they married last year. "We slept in separate rooms the evening before the nuptials. I had something old, blue, borrowed and new. My dad and hubby gave a oral communication, but I didn't." She believes these traditions helped her and her partner develop a deeper bond, even later more than than 8 years together. "Nosotros didn't expect that we would feel any closer after the wedding, but I recall having this large hymeneals and having ane last proper name did the fob."

The second core trend observed by Duncan's squad is more near public perceptions. They concluded that taking on a partner's name remains seen as a way to display your commitment and unity to the outside world.

"I feel like it gives u.s. an identity as a family unit and not just individuals," agrees Lindsey Evans in California. "We take our own first and middle names, which make united states our own people, just having a joint concluding name makes united states more of a unit."

Duncan's research establish this 'good family' narrative was especially strong amongst women who'd had children. Even some of those who initially declined to adopt their male partner'southward family name upon union switched their approach after giving nativity.

The researchers found the 'good family' narrative was a key factor in women changing their names

The researchers institute the 'good family' narrative was a key factor in women changing their names

"I wanted to do information technology to accept a better connection with my kid, not just in a loving human relationship type of style, simply on paper," reflects Jamie Berg, a The states-born dancer and gymnast living in Oslo. After keeping her own name for several years, largely because information technology was of import for her professional person identity, she added her husband's name to her passport and other formal documents when her son was born, "and then all three of us would have the aforementioned last name". This, she hoped, would also avoid administrative hassle, for example when travelling abroad with her child.

Duncan's study highlighted another mutual feeling among many parents, that children might stop up confused or unhappy equally a result of parents having different names. Only he argues that while nonconformity can create developed discomfort, sociological research suggests a limited impact on children, with about not confused about who's in their family unit, regardless of their surname.

Academics are carve up on how the name-changing norm plays against a properties of efforts to accomplish gender equality.

Duncan describes it as "quite dangerous" – whether the couples doing it are actively embracing the tradition, or simply observing it past default. "Information technology perpetuates the idea that the husband's in authority... reproducing the tradition that the man is the head of the household," he says.

That statement is strongly supported by women similar Nikki Hesford, a business owner from northern England. She is now divorced, but refused to accept her former husband'southward proper name when they got married, and says she'due south shocked how few wives do the same.

"Women mutter that they end up existence the primary caregiver, the one who has to go out piece of work when a child is sick, the ane who had to go to infirmary appointments, the one whose career suffers... only they've set that precedent at the commencement by maxim: 'You lot're more than of import than me, y'all're the master and I'm the secondary,'" she argues. "Some people say: 'You lot're overthinking it, it'south merely dainty tradition and it doesn't really hateful anything', and I disagree."

Still, Hilda Shush, an Irish couples counsellor and psychotherapist based in London, believes that women who decline name-taking shouldn't be likewise quick to judge others. She notes that "erstwhile-fashioned romance" concepts, long reinforced past film, literature and magazines, have go amplified in an age of social media. This means women continue to be influenced past these kinds of messages, despite more gender-positive, feminist perspectives being given a greater platform. "For so many influencers, it's very much office of their message or their profile, this whole narrative around a swain and so the huge engagement, the honeymoon," argues Burke. "Even if those women are kind of identifying as a feminist, that kind of lifestyle that they're portraying is very much a sort of romantic ideal."

Hilda Burke suggests name-changing remains part of the traditional marriage narrative romanticised on social media

She says that for many, switching to their husband's family unit proper noun is besides a pragmatic choice – for case, to gratify older relatives or avoid having to explain themselves at the schoolhouse playground – and doesn't mean that these women aren't pushing for gender equality. "This is an example of the dissonance of having maybe a principle, having a feminist platonic, just so getting down to the nitty gritty of daily life," she says. "They'd say: 'You know what? I'm still working. I'one thousand still getting promoted. I oasis't given up. So, you lot know what? On the bigger scale, I'one thousand even so feminist'."

Some other statement is that feminism is ultimately near giving women costless option. This means as long every bit they can decide what proper noun they'd similar (rather than it existence forced on them by their partner or society), it shouldn't matter whether that is in keeping with, or going against, patriarchal norms.

"He never told me: 'I need you to take my final name', merely instead I was the one who brought information technology to the table," says Evans in California. "As a feminist, I am able to make the decision that is best for me without worrying about gender roles."

How prevalent the male name-taking tradition will remain in the future is hotly debated by researchers. There is trivial predictive academic research, although at that place are signs that - despite the dull progress to date - both women and men are becoming increasingly open to alternatives.

In the United kingdom of great britain and northern ireland, a 2022 YouGov poll of more than i,500 people showed that 59% of women would still like to take their spouse'south surname upon marriage – and 61% of men still want them to do so. Although these figures are high, they're effectually 30% lower than the proportion of Britons who currently become through with the tradition. A separate survey showed that 11% of eighteen-to-34-twelvemonth-olds in the UK are now double-barrelling their surnames when they become married. This practice was traditionally the preserve of upper-class British families, but gender equality is emerging every bit a motivator within couples with more diverse backgrounds.

"We talked about it beforehand and decided that because we shared everything else in our lives information technology made sense to share names too," explains Nick Nilsson-Bean, a British communications director living in Malmö, in southern Sweden, who has the same double-barrelled surname as his wife. "It felt a bit primitive and old fashioned to just take my name."

In the US, growing numbers of women are also opting for unhyphenated double surnames due to the demand to remain searchable online for professional reasons. Meanwhile, some couples blend their names or come up with new ones to share, and some men adopt their wives' names, although both phenomena remain unusual.

"I wasn't hung up on all the masculinity and patriarchal [rubbish], and I knew how important my wife'southward identity was to her," says Ciaran McQuaid, a 39-year-old British engineer who is 1 of the rare few to switch to his wife'southward proper name. "I work within the construction industry and I take to bargain with quite macho attitudes, but I'm not the type of person who gets bothered past information technology."

America Nazar says changing her name would have caused an awful lot of unnecessary admin

America Nazar says irresolute her name would have caused an awful lot of unnecessary admin

With women tending to marry later – the boilerplate age is at present 35 or older in European countries including the United kingdom of great britain and northern ireland, Italia and Kingdom of spain, and around 28 in the US – this may also take an impact on future name choices. Research from Kingdom of norway and the Us suggests that older, more than educated and economically contained women are more than likely to keep their birth names, while the practice is less popular with younger, lower-paid women and within the African-American customs.

"I already endemic my house. I had a degree, my car, all dissimilar things. Then, if I had to change my name, then subsequently I'd have to change my name on all those titles and licenses," explains America Nazar, a dentist based northward of Oslo, who didn't switch her name when she got married concluding twelvemonth. "Information technology only makes it a bit more complicated and information technology's non very necessary, in my stance."

Other researchers point to the influence of the LGBTQIA community, where there already tends to be more flexibility around proper noun irresolute. Dr Heath Schechinger, a psychologist and therapist with a clinical post at the University of California, Berkley, predicts that heterosexual couples may exist encouraged to proceed their own names as "the concept of 'family' expands" to include more LGBTQIA and fifty-fifty "two-plus partner unions", making information technology more mutual to break traditional norms. "While it is unlikely partners volition ever have complete autonomy about their proper name choices without fright of societal or familial repercussions, an increasing number of people are, and will go on, to make the option to deviate from the norm," he argues.

"It's time for this to get an open-ended give-and-take within partnerships, and not something that is causeless or pre-determined," agrees marketing manager Verity Sessions, from Brighton, England, who kept her own name when she married her wife Alice Maplesden. "Some of my male friends take decided to have their wife's family name and I love them for that," she says. However, she says she understands that other couples "do simply dearest a tradition" or might opt for naming conventions that simply "make a family unit tree a bit easier to work out".

As the concept of family evolves, more people will make decisions that work for them, some experts say

As the concept of family evolves, more people volition make decisions that work for them, some experts say

In London, psychotherapist Burke as well believes that more than diverse naming conventions volition first to drain into order. But as women continue to battle for equal pay, and are more likely to be facing job insecurity and performing more childcare as a upshot of Covid-19, she argues that many "people feel like there are other battles that are more important right now". "It is going to come up in time, when other things are fabricated more equal."

Fans of the male name tradition like Corinna Hirsch, however, promise information technology won't die out. "Information technology would be overnice if [it] continues, just only if information technology's not forced," she says. "Y'all like traditions because they make y'all feel all warm and fuzzy? Go for it."